I want to cry as more than anything, I wanted to be travelling to Rome very soon.
Before Covid we had made plans to return to Rome for the first time since our wedding. I had been in contact with the airline and send all of my wheelchair information and found a hotel that has all the facilities that I need, then Covid hit and our plans went nowhere.
Since Graham has been back at work he had been planning to take a week off in the hope that we could get a break together just the 2 of us, it’s stupid to think that we haven’t had a holiday or break together since 2005 !. So he gave me a date at the beginning of August which needed authorisation but this time I really didn’t want to be getting my hopes up.
So I started enquires again. First I contacted the hotel and that was a go , the room was available and this Hotel is stunning and really reasonably priced. Next the airline and again I have to send over all the specifications of my chair , the type of batteries it used, height , weight and that is a go. I still wasn’t daring to dream. I contacted the Tourist board to check what the situation is for people in a wheelchair and great news , as long as I can confirm my disability both myself and my carer get into most places free of charge. This is when I started to dream.
Rome for me is special not just because we married there. We first flew out to Rome in October 2005 as we wanted to get a feel for the place before we booked the wedding and we fell in love. We stayed in a beautiful hotel , Domus Inn, they only have a few rooms and is inside a large building which looks more residential than anything. We joked that it was like an old Italian horror movie location , it really was.
We had booked bed and breakfast which was delivered to our door every morning , we had pastries and coffee delivered on a tray which was just perfect for a lazy morning particularly helpful with a hangover.
We had some bad news just before we flew out to Rome about a family member, I got the news the day before we flew out as I was on the way home from work and I didn’t stop crying till we got there. We found a bar that first afternoon and the plan was a drink before the restaurants got a little busier . We didn’t get to eat , we just sat in this little bar chatting with people and drinking. The worst thing was the sitting and drinking , being sat on a stool you don’t realise how drunk you are until you get up to use the bathroom.
I was so drunk that I needed help to undress and even though I was saying let’s go to a club, maybe a slice or 2 of pizza on the way I was in no state to go anywhere. By the time my head hit the pillow I was out. I don’t remember any of that of course. So that sugar hit with coffee the next morning was exactly what I needed.
Rome had made me fall head over heals with the place. It wasn’t just the city, it was the people , the atmosphere. That day we visited the tourist locations , had a gelato and laughed so much. Rome absolutely felt like I was home.
Every single year since our wedding I have wanted to return but life got in the way. So when my Husband got back on Sunday morning and said just book it , well I got a little excited. I sent the emails again to confirm everything was ok. Everything was falling into place until we read the paper on Sunday to find that my home was in one of the locations that may be quarantined.
I take a lot of medication and need lots of things to keep me comfortable during the day and night. Going away for a few days is one thing , not being able to get to my home when I return is a completely different thing . It’s a risk I can’t take so Rome again isn’t happening and I feel like my heart has been broken.
We have had a holiday calling home every day when my Father in law was very ill and every day was like a living hell as you don’t know if you should get a flight home or is it going to be too late if you do. That holiday was hell and even though we put on a face on for our Daughter inside was hurting badly. We were very fortunate that my Father in Law lasted a lot longer than just our holiday duration . Different situation I know but even the thought of waking up and feeling just a little of that makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Of course all of this wasn’t going to be simple for me , so it shouldn’t have surprised me when my Husband shouted that the dishwasher wasn’t working. So the money that was available for a short trip will now mostly be going on a new dishwasher.
If I am absolutely honest I want to scream , I want to sob as all the things that I wanted to do while I was there now feel like a million miles away again. I didn’t want a big expensive holiday on a beach all I wanted was to return to Rome for a few days. That’s all I have wanted since getting on the flight to return to the UK in 2006.
I feel heartbroken.
