I can’t believe that in a few short weeks , our beautiful baby girl turns 18.
I gave everything and more to be a Mum and at such a young age it really wasn’t easy. The pregnancy itself was a hard test , add to that working full time it just wasn’t the life I ever wanted.
Don’t take that as I didn’t want to be a Mum , before I found out I was pregnant yes starting a family was the furthest thing from my mind. Pregnancy changed me , I had to grow up and quick.
The minute I held this beautiful little princess in my arms I never wanted to let her go. The older she got the more this funny little personality grew , she could make me laugh , real belly laughs.
Her second or third Christmas I wanted to dress her up in a fairy costume complete with wings and take pictures in front of my red feature wall . I wanted to use the picture to send to family with their Christmas cards , she was fine putting the outfit on and standing in front of the wall with her pretty dress . I was getting on with a bit of washing , boring Mum stuff and she wanted to help which I always encouraged. I had my back turned and I heard her say Mummy and started giggling , I turned around to my Little Christmas fairy who now had tights on her head and thinking she was the funniest little person in the whole world. I still think she is .
Of course there have been ups and downs and when I lost my Mum she seemed to be able to sense feelings. My Dad was totally shell shocked as we all were , I won’t go into detail about the how ,when or why ? . I vividly remember sitting in the living room at Dads house , the house was full as we have a very big family. My Dad was just sat there. We had left her with a neighbor because Mum was in intensive care and I didn’t want to subject her to that. I just remember that the minute she saw my Dad , her Gwandrad as she called him , she just knew instinctively that he needed her and she just sat on his knee. She just somehow knew that he needed her.
I won’t apologise for being overprotective of her while she was growing up and I don’t apologise for spoiling her rotten over the years. If she had turned out to be some hard faced little brat then I would have changed my parenting approach but every single thing she has ever had from a magazine to expensive technology, she has loved and respected. She is Our little girl and we have worked so hard to give her everything she has ever wanted.
She was only 5 years old when I started getting ill, the illness didn’t really take control of me till the past 5 years and we have never hidden anything from her.
Our Princess now attends LIPA Sixth form college in Liverpool and we are so proud of her . She has overcome so much to get where she is and it hasn’t been easy. When she was in Infant school we noticed that her handwriting hadn’t improved and subjects like Maths and Science had become her better subjects. She was picked up in many lessons but if you sat her in front of you and had a conversation she was impeccable. We pushed for her to be tested for Dyslexia, we pushed hard because the school just wanted to hold her back. We knew that if she was in a group of people who were not able to speak on her level or grasp things as fast as she could that we would be making problems for her later in school and potentially in life. So after a lot of pestering the school agreed and she was officially diagnosed.
This meant that we could deal with the problem head on , we were open and honest about it . We knew that if the D word became a negative in her life that she would be embarrassed and self conscious about something which needn’t be. So we researched everything we could , we emphasised to her famous people who were Dyslexic and when we spoke to friends and family Dyslexia was never taboo.
Now Our beautiful Princess is my carer , she does everything for me. She will help me clean , she brushes my hair, helps me dress. She looks after the home and does all the things that I can no longer do .
She amazes me. She has such a strong head on her shoulders and age beyond her years. While her friends were out drinking on the street it never interested her . We had a mature enough relationship that she knew we trusted her . That has never changed .
I feel so much guilt that I am holding her back and stopping her doing all the things that she should be doing.
We do support her so she is financially independent and she manages her own money and bank account.
So on the run up to her birthday I have been pushing her to do as much as she can , experience everything, dream big and make your dreams a reality.
I will never be able to express the love and respect I have for this beautiful talented young lady but Every day I will try .
Today while she was unbearably upset I told her that the night before her wedding I want her to show me her passport , I told her to promise me that she will do everything she wants to . I don’t ever want her to think of what could have been or wished she had traveled. I will never stop encouraging her to dream big .
I know she is amazing and I know one day that the rest of the world will agree with me .
So please if you read this and you have a Chronic Illness or you have missed out on something that you should have pushed harder for , just send a little love to Our Princess , My Baby Boo , Rebecca . Maybe you could leave her a little message of encouragement or a early 18th Birthday wish .
She has taken everything in her stride and she hasn’t had it easy. She is amazing and I love her more than life itself . Today has been a heartbreaking day and I wish I could wipe away every tear , every ounce of sadness and make all of her hurt disappear . I would give anything to see my Princess smile .
Please share your stories of pride because we should be incredibly proud of the amazing people we have brought into this world .
Sending you all my love , as always
Alisha x x