What do you do when you feel like you have lost it. I turned 41 this year and I know that I should be entering this more mature womanly stage yet I still feel like a 22 year old who hasn’t got a clue. I feel like a kid playing house.
Maybe wearing pyjamas and sleeping most of the day has a lot to do with it but I am still only young , I don’t want my life to be over yet. I still want my husband to find me attractive and I want my daughter to follow my example.
I can’t believe that I am going to share this , I have a problem with my internal heating. It’s not menopause before you say. When I take a shower it has to be cold , as when I get out of that shower my whole body will be wet again by the time I dry off. If you put your hand inside my hair it feels like a heater and of course the sweating doesn’t stop. The more anxious you get the worse it gets. There is no way I could wash my hair in the shower and blow dry it with a hairdryer , you are just fighting a losing battle. When it comes to make up you may as well forget it. How can you apply foundation when it is dripping off your face.
I have tried so many things that are supposed to help but of course none of them do so I am on the hunt for something that makes a difference. It makes me feel dirty and disgusting don’t get me wrong it doesn’t smell it just embarrassing after all you can’t exactly hide your face.
Drs have suggested it to be a side effect of the medication I take , yet they offer no help. Being so ill obviously means that I am not going out every day or even every week but I still want to be that woman that my husband fell in love with. We went out to our favourite restaurant for our wedding anniversary in June . I suggested that we go out on the Thursday and early in the hope that the place was quiet but of course it was crowded. It’s hard walking into a place looking like a drowned rat on crutches , it’s not exactly admiring glances being put your way.
I may have talked about this before but while I am sharing 🤣 . I have a huge problem with my weight , even when I was pregnant I was able to fit in size 10 jeans. I was always the one to wear a suit to work. I loved wearing pencil skirts and stilettos, it gave me a real boost. When I was first diagnosed with Endometriosis I started experiencing problems with weight gain but back then I was able to exercise and I loved it. When the diagnosis of ME hit me I was already a stone heavier than I had ever been. I know it is not the worst thing in the world but I don’t like it. I have nothing against larger people as after all “You do You” but for me it doesn’t sit right. My diet is awful I will be the first to admit it , today I had a bowl of frosted shreddies and 2 cornettos , that it. I know where it is coming from it’s what I drink.
I started drinking Pepsi when I was maybe 11 back then it wasn’t bad . When I was 16/17 I would get a can of Pepsi on the way to work , which I had normally finished by the time I got there. I am not a big tea or coffee drinker so that was what I would drink all day sometime 5/6 cans and then maybe 1 litre when I got home. My lunch would usually be a bag of crisps and a chocolate bar , when I started getting tired round 2pm I would take some caffeine tablets to push me through. When Graham and I started living together I would prepare a dish from scratch something like spag Bol or tuna pasta. We never ate processed food everything was fresh and from scratch. When I hit my 30s it had a real effect which I haven’t been able to change. I stopped drinking Pepsi as much but as I am unable to take tablets with water a sugary drink is still necessary. I hate the taste of water even filtered water , these days I mostly drink Ribena. I take 24 tablets a day , with Oramorph on top for break through pain . I need something to take away that vile taste.
I want to do something about it , I really do .
Do you have any suggestions ? , has anything worked for you ?
I am really going to try and go back to my local slimming world group as following that plan helped , unfortunately I was able to exercise back then. Now I need help to get to my bathroom that is 8 steps away !
Maybe I will be brave enough to put all of my measurements up over the next few days as motivation. Whatever happens I will keep you all informed x
With love
Alisha 😘
P.S New things are coming soon so make sure you keep in touch x x
